I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
