Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize