Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sext me about skeletons
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
