I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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