I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my shit smells like andre
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
