we have officially lost it.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
