she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
