just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
