Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
