she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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