I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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