meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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