Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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