You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
