And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
