I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
