They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
