I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just want to make out with him forever
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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