Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
