I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
the raccoons are back...
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