I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
