those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
