as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
