i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
