He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize