4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
