Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
