She said her name was "party"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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