i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
