Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
