Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
