he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I am naked and annoyed.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
