you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
