When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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