You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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