I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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