The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
we should paint friendship bongs
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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