i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
