All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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