I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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