video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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