just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
