I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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