Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
