Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
