it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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