So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
