Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize