i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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