mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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