North Korea, Best Korea!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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