I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
