this boner is exhausting
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
