if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
