She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
