Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
