is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
