chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize