We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
