so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
