Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
