that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
