dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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