apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
