Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
