He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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