Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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