It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i've created a new STD.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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