Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
