Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize