I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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