Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
