She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
