I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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