The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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