I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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