I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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