using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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