Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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