Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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