the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
