I think I am morally bankrupt
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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