actually, I'm a sock model
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
